clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
