im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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