Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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