High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
