Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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