Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
