He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
