You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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