If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I should be sponsored by Trojan
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize