So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I don't think brook has ever known best
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
