The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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