He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
