I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
