you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
