Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize