it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
