So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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