he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
