Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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