i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
