are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
