Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize