happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
