I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
