I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
