Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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