wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
