Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
