I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You can't just leave with hair like that
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
