Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Randomize
