I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Randomize
