week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
