She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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