Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
