i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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