hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
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