i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
