hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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