My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
