I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
