and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
