sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
