So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
