This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
