i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
