problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
