i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
