I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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