I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
