Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
