Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
