I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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