honey bunches of taint.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
