no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I puked a lego.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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