You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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