remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
