Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize