no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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