don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
