Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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