I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Don't tell me you're on acid again
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
