I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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