After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
