Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Im part way to drunk.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
